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Classroom Management Editorial
Beliefs, Values and Challenges
I am angry at you and I want to hurt you. What will stop me? What stops you from hurting others when you are angry? Is it fear of getting caught and the ensuing consequences? If so, what deters you more? What might happen to you, how you feel about yourself (guilt and/or shame) or disappointing your parents or loved ones? Is it knowing other, more acceptable ways to express your anger? Is it receiving psychological help from a trained specialist?
All of these are possibilities that work from time to time and form the basic components of any violence prevention program. But more is needed. At the core of all decision making are values. Without learning the simple value that hurting others is wrong, we cannot expect any of the above conditions to make a long term difference. There is no way to ever stop someone from hurting another person if that is what they really want. This is true in the workplace, on the street, on public transportation and in school. The first and most significant step in stopping violence is to stop people from wanting to hurt others. The most potent tool to reach this goal is values. Schools must honor and value at their center that humans are worthwhile and should never be hurt.
Although some believe that rewards and punishments are sufficient for teaching core values, we firmly disagree. Without going over this debate which has been written about in far more detail than we endeavor to do here, let it suffice to say that rewards teach children that to do good, they will receive something in return; that values can be bargained for, exchanged, and have in the very broad sense, commercial worth. Punishments teach that it is bad to get caught, and encourage excuse making, sneakiness, and covering tracks. When you received your last speeding ticket, did you feel you were wrong to speed or wrong to get caught? How long did it take to start speeding and watching for police? If you are typical, it took two hours. Both rewards and punishments fail the following critical test. How do they influence behavior when no one is watching? Basically they have no influence whatsoever. We do not consider it successful when a student is yelled at by a teacher for hitting and never hits again in the classroom, but hits on the playground, the parking lot, the lunchroom or on the bus. Rewards and punishments teach obedience only. To teach responsibility, values and consequences are required.
The process of creating a school that values non-violent expressions of aggression and fights hostile attitudes and behaviors can be accomplished in four stages:
The conception Tough as Necessary came to realization by struggling with the concept of zero tolerance. Curwin and Mendler both agree that zero tolerance sends a powerful message to the school community that violent, aggressive behavior will not be tolerated. We also acknowledge the message was ambiguous, with at least two different and apparently opposite meanings, 1. that it was a simplistic way for educators to avoid responsibility, irrationally treating all misbehavior as the same, and said to students, "we will not listen to you." 2. Simultaneously it shouted that violence will not be tolerated. If you want to stay here, you will not hurt others. When the scope of the divergence was understood, and we saw the merits as well as the weaknesses in the diverging opinions; we were able to creatively invent a new concept that combined the strengths of each view and mostly eliminated the problems. The solution: "Tough as necessary" which finds the harmony between the seemingly opposite positions. The new synthesis sends this message: violence will not be tolerated, and yet we will not deal with students in a cookie cutter fashion. We can meet their needs without resorting to formulas while still protecting the school and its inhabitants from unacceptable behavior. Further we trust ourselves as professionals more than formulas as caretakers of youngsters.
It is readily apparent that tough as necessary is far superior to zero tolerance if we examine each policy by how it teaches children to behave. Would anyone want a school board or superintendent who had a zero tolerance attitude when dealing with us? Do you know anyone who was raised by a zero tolerant parent? What might they say about how it affected their childhood. Could a marriage survive a zero tolerance spouse? More importantly, do we want children to have zero tolerance, particularly when they are angry?
There is no contention regarding the need for clear, firm limits, and that certain behaviors are not tolerable. Tough as necessary allows us to honor and enforce those limits without modeling no tolerance. We would much rather see children who are tough as necessary rather than ones who are zero tolerant.
Information about Authors
Dr. Allen Mendler is the author of of several books and articles including DISCIPLINE WITH DIGNITY. His organization, Discipline Associates- Rochester, NY provides training opportunities for educators in the areas of discipline, motivation and violence prevention.
Brian Mendler has a liberal arts degree from Fredonia State University and compled his Master’s degree at D'Youville college in Buffalo. Brian was accepted as a volunteer in the Big Brothers/ Big Sisters program and has been passionately involved with this program since that time. He continues to study what makes relationships between adults and students work.